Dearest HWSNBN

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Dearest HWSNBN,

Happy nine-year anniversary! Just writing those words, I feel so old like an ancient relic. But it doesn’t feel like it’s been nine years. I can remember as if was yesterday being that girl sitting in a dingy club wishing with every fibre of her being that the boy sitting next to her would just kiss her. And when that kiss happened, it was worth the wait. You were worth the wait. Almost a decade on you still give me butterflies.



I have nightmares sometimes and the most terrifying one even worst than the ferret man (*shudders*) is the ‘what ifs’. What if I hadn’t gone to Sussex? What if I hadn’t lived in Park Village in the house next door to you? What if I hadn’t become friends with Sam? What if I had skipped graduation? What if I hadn’t gone out that fateful night nine years? What if  I had never met you. These thoughts terrify me because you have utterly and inexorably changed my life for the better. I can’t imagine who I would be without you but I know I would be lesser, less happy, less grounded and less me.

My love for you grows everyday until I wonder how my body can contain it. Thank you for loving for me. Thank you for making this year despite all the sadness the best year of my life by marrying me. Nine months ago I vowed  ‘to love you til the seas run dry, until the sun grows cold and the stars grow old. And if there is another life beyond this, I will love you there too.’ I still mean every word and I always will.

Happy anniversary HWSNBN and here’s to another year with you. I can’t wait,

love me xxx


You old romantic

Source Etsy

In relationships I always used to believe there are two types of people: the romantics and the pragmatists. One will spend hours writing a stanza about the soft creamy skin on the inside of their beloved’s elbow and the other will fix your fridge (thanks HWSNBN). And I’m shit at fixing fridges.

So I find it truly irksome that when it comes to romance, He Who Shall Not Be Named (HWSNBN), is so much better at it than me. Yes, he’s better than somebody who spent her teenage years in romantic training, wafting around in floaty white dresses, writing melancholy odes and constantly on the look out for her dark prince. The dark prince probably put off by the odes and the wafting never came. Admittedly my romantic expertise is more down the tragic ‘let me die on your grave’ end as opposed to ‘let me buy you a cappuccino’. But still HWSNBN likes science and Myers Briggs personality types, how can he be more romantic than me?

Lake Tepako after the rain

Allow me to present the evidence as well as my jaw-droppingly romantic proposal let’s go back to HWSNBN and my first Valentine’s day together. We were travelling around the south island of New Zealand and due to spend V day in Lake Tekapo. Google Lake Tekapo, go on I’ll wait. You back? Right, you’ll have seen that Lake Tekapo is teeny, remote and at the time played host to two restaurants of which one was open on Valentine’s night. We had been going out less than a year and I was still at that stage where everything mattered and after years of singleton life I wanted, no needed, a Big Romantic Gesture. And I may have not so subtly let him know that. Our lovely travel buddy knew this (hey Beth *waves*) and made HWSNBN buy me a card. The night before Valentine’s HWSNBN disappeared he wasn’t in the bedroom, he wasn’t in the common room, finally I located him in the toilet. He couldn’t come out he had tummy trouble. For three hours. Romantic right? However it was all a cunning ruse. On Valentine’s night when we were dining in the one and only restaurant and he handed me a card and a mystery package. Inside the package was a cloth envelope and a Valentine’s card he had sewn out of his trousers. Yep, when were backpacking he had cut up one of his only three pairs of trousers and spent three hours in the toilet sewing me a Valentine’s card. I bought him chocolates. FAIL.

At this point I can practically hear the cynics among you poising to tell me how Valentine’s day is a crass commercialised day and why limit your expressions of love to just one day. But you know what I like Valentine’s day. I liked it even when I was a singleton because it was an excuse to sit in my bedroom with my best friend, eat ice cream, watch crappy movies and bitch about the world.  And I like it when it means I get to show HWSNBN how much I love him. This was our 8th Valentine’s day together and I wanted it to be special.

Unfortunately on Valentine’s Day I had a head cold. And if you can be romantic or do anything when your world has narrowed to trying to stop your brains dripping out your nose, you’re a better person than me. So Valentine’s day was postponed until last night. When HWSNBN got home from work he found a trail of these.

Using a great template I found on the ever-useful Atypical Type A blog I’d laid a scavenger hunt of clues throughout the flat with prizes along the way such as sweeties, a funny handmade card and finally the grand prize: a gluten free plum and almond tart. He got me a flower. Then we went out for a gorgeous candle lit dinner. And I ended the night throughly satisfied (hur, hur) after finally, officially,  being more romantic that HWSNBN. Win!

PS. Big apologies for being a bad blogger recently. So far February has kinda sucked. HWSNBN sister has  been seriously ill although thankfully it seems like she is on the road to recovery now. Work has been crazy. And I got over the flu only to come down with a stinking head cold. Blogging has slipped to the bottom of my priority list along with brushing my hair and eating anything more nutritious than a monster bag of wotsits. Damn you Student’s Union shop. However, I’m finally getting back on top of things and I have lots of great posts in the pipe line including revealing our wedding theme, invites and updating you on how I’ve been doing with my life list. Clue: badly.

2011: that was the year that was

I’m not sad to see the back of 2011. Although it’s been a great year for me personally, for the world in general what with the Japanese tsunami, earthquakes in NZ, London riots, the Arab Spring and the economic collapse, 2011 has kinda sucked.

I know a lot of people hate NYE’s: too crowded, too expensive, too much pressure. But I love NYE’s: the chance to dance like an idiot, hug the ones you love and make elaborate drunken resolutions that last until tea on January the first. For me NYE is the perfect blend of nostalgia and hope. So I’m here are my 2011 highlights, as well as what I’m looking forward to in 2012.

Getting in to University

More than starting Uni, which involved work and lots of it, getting into University has been one of my personal highlights. I knew the process would be competitive 250 applications for 20 places . So I was already in a such a state of nervous anticipation that I messed up the interview, stumbling through the ‘why do you want to be a counselling’ question like a blabber-mouthed fool. (Which I am, but they didn’t need to know that). Afterwards they shook me by the hand and said I’d know in a week. Three weeks passed and I starting ringing Admissions everyday. Finally the Admissions guy paused and said ‘I’m not supposed to tell you over the phone, but I can say it’s very good news.’ I walked round in an elated haze for days.  Since starting the course, I’ve felt enriched because I finally feel like I am doing what I was born to do. And come January I’ll start work with my very first client. Eek.

Planning our wedding

Technically we got engaged in the last days of 2010. But for me 2011 was the year this marriage shit got real. The year: we booked our venue, designed the engagement ringI overcame dress trauma and finally found my dress. If 2011 was the year we planned our wedding, 2012 is the year we’re getting married. Squee.

I started blogging again

After a two-year hiatus in which I did stuff (what is life if it is not documented on the interwebs I ask you?) I started blogging again, appropriately enough with a cat picture. And I soon become a little bit addicted. My most read post remains my birthday post. Awkward childhood shots for the win! As well as a chance to polish my writing skills, vent about everything and anything I’ve really enjoyed connecting with people I’ve never met before from the far reaches of this world as well as old friends. Thanks to everybody who read my blog, said they liked it, and left a comment. You guys are the best, group hug?

Going on holiday with my family

I went on holiday with my family and nobody killed anybody else! I think is a sign we are all maturing 🙂 Also I went to Disneyland, spoiler it’s still as awesome as I remembered.

2011 wasn’t all sunshine and roses. I had some ongoing health troubles (damn you foot and hip), trouble balancing work and life, and one of my best friends has been fighting a major illness. But I’m still here and so is everybody I love so I’m going to count that as a win.

Looking forward I haven’t had much of chance to think about what 2012 will bring. The plan for NYE’s was to bond with my lovely new counselling friends. However I overindulged and spent the first couple of hours of 2012 vomiting in the gutter as fireworks exploded over Brighton. BEST.NEW.YEARS.EVER! I jest, but actually despite the puking I had a really good night. To quote the late Mr Wilde, yes I may have been {vomiting}in the gutter but I was looking up at the stars fireworks. HWSNBN was amazing he stood with me in the rain for hours until we could go home, missing the party and going to club later.  The today when I was curled up on the sofa feeling sorry for myself he made a massive mince meat pie. Nom, nom, nom. So here is what I want to accomplish this year:

1. Continuing to get healthier inside and out.

2. Only connect.

3. Celebrate some big (3.0) milestones and marrying the love of my life. (I don’t know whether or not I might have mentioned this?)

So bye, bye 2011 and bring it on 2012.