Inspired by this I haz Staff do the transcribings. Yor welcomez!

1. Staff put me down
2. Staff pickz me up
3. Staff only spent 22.45 minutes with me today. I iz lonely
4. Look at this sound I cans make Staff. I cans do it louder
5. I iz hangry
6. Not this boob, the ovah one. The OVAH ONE!
7. Staff iz late/eating/paying ovah staff affection/doing the sleeps. Commenz paddy.
8. MA TEEF OWHIE.
9. I kick Staff in tit and they do the shouting and I haz a scared.
10. I no like the wallpaper
11. Staff looks at me funny
12. Staff no look at me. Staff haz eyes closed and is making the snorings. Staff, STAFF!
13. COLDZ. Staff, STAFF Ma furz.
14. HOT. I no order this weather. Staff send it back and commenz the fanning.
15. Stupid Staff I wanted to wear the yallow frock coot. THE YALLOW WIZ THE BUNNIES.
16. I iz making the water. I iz making the water go high. I invent a water fountain! I iz clev- NOES IN THE FASCE.
17. Oh dearz I have disgrazed maself in ma pantaloons. Again.
18. Staff lowered me into the cold pit of despair, aka the cots.
19. I dreamz there was no moar milk. I haz a sad.
20. NOT HAIRY STAFF. OVAH STAFF. WIF THE MILK!!!
21. I iz practising ma sleep screaming skillz. Whadja mean Staff do the sleeps too. I iz no paying Staff to do the sleeps.
22. I WAH cannae WAH do WAH the WAH rememberings
23. Ma chariot dipped below 30 fathoms and I do the wakenings.
24. NO! I iz not an imbecile I wants the other toy.
25. I iz having the funz times with the Staff. So much funz. Too much funz… FUNZ OVERLOAD… ERUPT
26. STAFF! STAFF! The nipple is no in my mouth
27. It iz between five of the clock PM and the midnight, so iz time for the grizzles and wailing. What?! Iz in the handbook. What do you mean I no come wiv a handbook. Staff is making a funs wiv me.
28. I rooted on the barren dessert where baby dreamz die. Aka hairy Staff’s chest.
29. Guess…
    You have chosen pourly. WAAAAH
30. Reasonz