So the door closes on another year, and wow 2015 has been pretty splendid to me. Here’s hoping 2016 is similarly generous. Here’s my year in review (and you can find previous years 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011 here.)
If 2015 has been proof of nothing else it’s how your life can change on a sixpence. I started the year desperately sad, crushed by trying and failing to get pregnant. All I wanted was to crawl into my Row-cave and lick my wounds.
But after spending a Christmas and New Year with my lovely family and friends, and a judicious helping of ice cream (bear wafers 4TW) I strapped on my big girl knickers and got back to working out like a mofo.
Continuing the theme of latter days of 2014, the early part of 2015 was all about working out and eating clean as I completely overhauled my lifestyle in order to be eligible for IVF.
I lost over three stone in total and have never felt healthier.
The rest of January was a write-off as I contracted tonsillitis followed by pneumonia. Thanks body! I looked and sounded like a troll. Although it took a couple of months for me to get the message, getting that sick turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me.
In March HWSNBN and I celebrated our 11 (I feel so old) year anniversary. He’s still the first person I want to speak to every morning and the last person I want to speak to at night.
At the end of March I made the decision to quit gainful employment and go freelance. Between working 50 hour weeks, working out and trying to get pregnant – something had to give and unless I was careful that would be me. I needed to stop pushing the river and start taking care of myself. The plan was to moonlight for a month or two and then apply for jobs over the summer. But you know what they say about plans…
In April my best friend took me away for a friend-moon to Glastonbury and it was exactly the tonic I needed.
Because in May I found out I was pregnant! Even though as I write this I sit cradling my huge 9-month bump – I still can’t believe after the years of trying this has happened for us. We are so lucky.
Summer came and with it BBQs, pool days and counting down the days until I neared the end of the first trimester.
I also thought a lot about friendship and how bad I am at making friends.
In July, I went away to France with the family and HWSNBN.
In August (and July, and June…) I missed my best friend more than words can say.
And I turned 33, eek!
I also went away for the Bank Holiday with the curry night crew and it was pretty fabulous.
In September, I truly begin to appreciate how lovely working for myself really is. Especially when it means I can decide to go for a walk by the sea just because 1)it’s Thursday, b)it’s sunny and c) I want to.
We also found out we weren’t expecting a unicorn, boo but a baby boy as I finished my second trimester.
In October I celebrated Halloween by dressing myself and Mr Nibs up.
In November I fell back in love with autumn and her sublime skies.
And December was all about finally finishing working and taking a well deserved break to put my feet up. I’ve had some of the early symptoms on pre-eclampsia so have mainly been napping and reading and it has been so utterly blissful.
I ended the year as I began… waiting. Except it feels completely different. I am very different to how I was a year ago. One of the hardest things I found about infertility was living in the space between hope and despair. ‘If only I knew the end of the story.’ I’d say endlessly to HWSNBN. Knowing the ending would mean I could mourn or celebrate. It would mean I could move out of limbo. It would mean I regretted nothing knowing that in the end it would lead me here, to him.
This isn’t the end of my story. There will be twists and turns along the way. I fully expect that this one of my biggest highs will be followed by some (many?) lows. But that’s OK. If 2015 has taught me nothing more, than how important it is to celebrate where you are in this moment. And this moment is waiting for my unborn baby to be born. Is waiting to become a mother. Is waiting for life to change firmly and irrevocably. And well, it’s pretty magical indeed.
And for you dearest reader, this is what I hope for you.
Rowan January 
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