I love a helpful personal mantra. Recently another one occurred to me. This is not the season.

As every gardener knows, for everything there is a season. A season to sew. A season to harvest. And a season to let things be fallow.

Some context, my kids had to move school suddenly without warning. It’s been a huge amount of upheaval. A longer commute, a new environment and a lot of (understandable) big feelings at the change. I am close to my capacity in terms of what I can manage without tipping into overwhelm. For weeks, I have felt as if I am standing on my tiptoes, tilting my head back, the water lapping at my nostrils. I am just about keeping myself and my family afloat.

I went shopping this week. And I was reminded of a new pancake recipe I had wanted to make for my kids breakfast:

‘I really need to make those pancakes.’

And then a wise part of me spoke gently inside my head and said:

‘My love, this is not the season.’ And I felt myself exhale, let my shoulders drop and the relief wash over me.

So much unnecessary suffering would have been avoided in my life if I had just recognised this is not the season.

When you have a newborn, this is not the season to sign up for intense exercise classes. It is the season for rest and gently nurturing yourself.

When you are grieving, this is not the season for meeting new people. It is the season for hibernating and feeling your loss.

When you are in the depths of winter, this is not the season to embark on a new ambitious project. Yes, Julian calendar and new years resolutions I am looking at you! Far easier, to make changes when the days are lighter and warmer in spring.

We all go through thriving times when things are simpler. If life was a video game we would be playing it in easy mode. We have extra energy and motivation to get things done.

 But when we are in survival mode, we need to moderate our expectations of what it is possible to achieve. We need to move goalposts to make life easier for ourselves. As a recovering perfectionist this is so hard for me and so necessary.

I have kept myself in dysregulation in the past by asking too much of myself. I have not adapted my expectations to the context in which I find myself.

The reality is that I am in the verge of overwhelm season in my life. I don’t have a lot of spoons left. Yes, I would love to batch cook some healthy pancakes that I could freeze for my kids breakfasts. They would love that, I would love that. Yet, that would take energy away from doing other things that are important to me. I have limited energy reserves so I need to prioritise accordingly.

My kids get five nutritional meals at school. I have the energy at the moment to batch cook one meal. So I am expending it batch cooking a nutritional meal for me so I don’t survive on what I can forage from the service station. Trying to get myself to meal prep pancakes for their breakfast is like expecting dahlias to bloom in winter. This is not the season.

Part of the mantra that really helps me is the recognition that seasons change. Maybe in another couple of months, things may have shifted. I may have more energy

This is not the season contains an acceptance of where I am. It is a kindness to meet ourselves and others where we are now. Rather than where we desperately want to be. I would love to be in the season where I pre-make healthy nutritional snacks for my kids. 

But that is not the season of life I am in right now and that’s okay.

What season of life are you in? Are you adapting your expectations for yourself accordingly? Let me know in the comments, if this resonates.